Hi! I honestly sat down with every single intention of posting about how unfairly stressful my life is right now and how overwhelmed I am and how I almost broke down today and how even though I'm planning on taking classes straight through winter AND summer break, I may still be behind... I've instead decided to focus on the good things. And although that's probably going to kill me because I have a LOT LOT LOT of negatives I could tell you about, I'm hoping that this will be healthier for me.

First of all, Gene & Mike are playing fantastically weirdddd music across the hall right now (as usual) and although nobody has any clue what they're listening to, it's really great. Second of all, although Louis and I have some rough patches here and there (which usually tend to get a bit worse the longer it's been since we've seen each other) we're doing just fine. I never take off the promise ring he gave me, and talking to him is always one of the highlights of my day. Third of all, our group has become a very solid pack of 10 people. A few others wander in and out as they like, which is nice and provides variety, but the ten of us are getting to be practically inseparable and I would certainly not be having a good time here without them. I promise that they will never, ever, ever replace any of you- but I really have to thank God for them each night because they're saving me. Fourth of all, I just got an 80 on my practically impossible Anatomy exam and I've never been happier about a test grade in my life. Not that I didn't study; I definitely put in 20+ hours for that one test, but still. Fourth of all, I miss home so much AND I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT TO SEE EVERYBODY ON FRIDAYYYYY. AHHH I'm so excited. I actually think I might cry. I love hearing from everybody and getting messages and wall comments and videos on Facebook and reading about what you're doing on Twitter... Nothing will ever be like home. Fifth of all, Macroeconomics, although kind of interesting in the beginning, has made me realize I'm definitely going into the right profession because Economics (& Anthropology, while we're at it) are certainly not what I was born to do. Sixth of all, my grandma sent me a care package yesterday that consisted of ponchos, peanut butter, lipstick, and plastic silverware from Wendy's. It was a nice laugh. Seventh of all, I think I'm starting to find out a bit more about myself and who I can be. I like it. Eighth of all, I think my handwriting has approved. Ninth of all, I'm becoming better at applying makeup. Tenth of all, I'm not pregnant, which is nice. Eleventh of all, I've discovered that I love drawing circles. I'm also very good at it. Twelfth of all, I was on Eucharistic Minister duty at mass last night and I had forgotten how great it makes me feel and how much closer to God it brings me than just attending mass and not participating as directly. I love that I still go to church (& have decided to be a Lector and Eucharistic Minister) while I'm at college.

I think I can stop there, because I've been rambling. I hope you guys are all doing well and are as excited about going home this weekend as much as I am. I MISS YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART. Can't wait to see you !!!!! =D

Let's see, where to start?

Although I was determined to make college the worst thing of my life, and although the first few days there WERE actually the worst days of my life, I really like it there. And I'm almost disappointed because I was SOOOO sure I was going to hate it and I'd prove everybody else wrong. But no, it's great. I mean granted, I haven't really gotten into the heavy coursework yet, and that's definitely going to complicate things, but that aside- it's a really great place for me. The people on my floor have really come together in the last week or so and I love them all. The co-ed floor thing also doesn't really suck, because I get variety. My roommate isn't quite working out, but we're managing to coexist, so I guess that's alright (neither of us really spend any time in our room and it's kind of a treat when she isn't there). The two girls to the left of me, Adrienne & Merrill, and their other friend from high school Krissy have pretty much become my "going out" group. We get into wherever we want because, well, we're four girls- and all of them are adorable. We have a ton of fun, and even though they all went to high school together they let me in with them no problem. The girl two doors down from me on the other side, Becky, is crazy and so much fun. All of us get together and have movie nights and torment everybody else. Then on the end across the hall is Tom, who's become my kind-of swimming buddy. I was looking for someone the first day and although he's not really a swimmer he gave it a shot. He's very laid back and wears argyle sweaters and has salmon pink shorts. He and his girlfriend of over a year just recently broke up and she already got drunk and slept with someone else and so he was REALLY upset the other day- it was so sad and adorable. Next to him are Billy and Alex. Billy reminds me a lot of a mix between like JJ Cherup and Kenny Carluccio, and kind of just shows up places but hasn't really become as big a part of our group yet (he also has a girlfriend back home). His roommate, Alex, is definitely a bigger part of our group. Alex has a girlfriend back home so we can kind of relate. He's hilarious. Then directly across the hall from me is Asian Mike and his roommate Gene. Gene breakdances and speaks Russian (his real name is Yvgeniy) and Vianna- HE LOOKS AND ACTS JUST LIKE DAN VEENSTRA. AHHH. They have a REALLY fuzzy carpet and big brown bean bag bear chairs, so their room is the hangout room ALL the time. I'm always in there. All in all, I'm so happy with our group. We have a ton of fun together.

A couple of days ago, me, Adrienne, Tom, Gene, and Alex went to the football game together. We left early so we could tailgate, and wow it was nothing like I've ever experienced before. There were people EVERYWHERE and SO much alcohol, and because there was so much of it- it almost seemed completely legal. Everyone was just walking around in the open holding beers and walking past cops and it was insane. You could just walk up to one of the tailgates and grab some beer and some food and hang out and then go over to another one- it was incredible. Eventually we headed over to the game, (Gene didn't actually have a ticket, so it was me, Adrienne, Alex, and Tom) and got pretty good seats. Although Rutgers failed big time, the first half of the game was a blast. When RU scores a touchdown, it's like a tradition to pick up people in the audience and throw them up and down seven times. I, being a freshman, had no clue about this tradition, so I was very surprised when all the people around me picked me up and literally launched me FEET into the air seven times on extremely high-up, steep, sloping bleachers. It was so much fun.

Other than that, I'm not really thrilled with any single one of my classes. I just hope I get a C in Anatomy so I don't have to retake it in summer school. My teacher already told us that if we aren't studying a minimum of 20 hours a week just for the lecture portion of that class, we have no chance of getting higher than a D+. I'm freakin scared. I can't afford to go to summer school there, I need my time back here more than anything. I don't think I've gained any major weight yet, but then again I've been walking EVERYWHERE, so we'll see how it goes in the winter. I have been swimming pretty much every day, though, and just the other day I managed to swim for sixty minutes straight without breaks. I was proud.

The reason I'm posting now? Well that would be because yesterday I wasn't feeling well, so I went to the health center & when they found out I had a fever, they kicked me off campus. So yeah, I'm home. I was SUPPOSED to be getting home right around now so I could work tonight and then see Louis all day tomorrow and he would drive me back to school on Sunday... Wonderful. Now I'm HOPEFULLY going to get to see him tomorrow (I probably will, I just don't know if I'm going to be feeling like shit or not) and the healthcare center said they didn't even think I'd be healthy enough to get back to school for my classes on Monday. (Monday is a KILLER day for me, and I have a swing dance practice that night.) So yeah, me & Louis' big reunion weekend is kinda killed. And because of the unfortunate circumstances, he & I got in a fight last night and it sucked. I mean we're fine and everything, it's just tough being away. And then being home & not being able to see him. Ughhhhhh.

THIS FEVER IS MAKING ME SO HOTTTT. I miss Rutgers already. (But that's probably just because I haven't seen Louis yet.) It was really nice getting texts from all my friends there this morning telling me to feel better though... They're all so great.

I miss you guys!!!!!!!

What a weekend.

Louis planned out an entire surprise day for me & I finally got to have it yesterday. He took me to the Park & Ride and we got on a bus and went into the city where we had lunch at an Irish restaurant and then went to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. Afterwards, we came back home and went to Cafe L'Amore for appetizers & dessert (amazing!) and then saw Inglorious Basterds at 9:45. It was an INCREDIBLE day. He's amazing, he kept it all a surprise the entire time and he paid for everything.

...And tonight I got to see him from 8:00-10:30 to say our good byes. [Louis leaves tomorrow morning for band camp and gets home Saturday around 3:00, but I move into my dorm on Saturday between 8:00-12:00.]

We had a nice dinner at the Wayne Hills Diner for old times sake and then just spent time together. It was so hard to say good bye. So hard. I can't possibly see how I'm supposed to feel good about going to college when what I have at home is more than I could ever want.

Although it kills me to say this though, I guess it's a good thing that he has band camp this whole week. It gives me time to organize and get ready to leave without distraction. And as much as I want him to help me move into my new dorm and new life (and believe me, I do) I also suppose it's a good thing that I'm being forced to take it on by myself. He did promise to visit me after a couple of weeks, though.

I just can't help but feeling like I'm missing his senior year when all I want to do is be there for him and experience it with him. I know it will be good for him to have some freedom, for both of us to have some freedom, but I want to be there for all the important things and I can't help but being extremely jealous of everybody who actually DOES get to experience it with him. (Especially those cozy bus rides to far away games & competitions and the long rehearsals for the musical where everybody sits backstage and hangs out.)

I really hope it's possible for me to love college as much as I loved high school.

I'm feeling so much right now that I can't even manage to have it all form words that I can write down. Maybe it would help if I could just get a good night's sleep ONE of these nights...